


He's Out of My League

by LatviaLikable



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Cool and Relaxed! Dave, Hints of DirkJake, Human! Trolls, John is Nicholas Cage-sexual, M/M, Nerdy! John, Parties, Peer Pressure, Regular Homestuck style narrative, Underage Drinking, but so good, so cliche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 19:30:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6390241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LatviaLikable/pseuds/LatviaLikable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is JOHN EGBERT and, for the record, you would like to state that you are not a homosexual. You identify as NICHOLAS CAGE-SEXUAL. But, there is someone who has made you question your entire sexuality. DAVE STRIDER is his name - a true lover of sick beats, phat rhymes, weird preserved dead things, and irony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's Out of My League

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a simple oneshof about John getting Dave to like him. If you want cute oneshots of this you can comment below if you want. If you want to make the spinoff yourself them go ahead~! <3

> Reader: Be John Egbert.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and, for the record, you would like to state that you are not a homosexual. You identify as NICHOLAS CAGE-SEXUAL. But, there is someone who has made you question your entire sexuality. DAVE STRIDER is his name - a true lover of sick beats, phat rhymes, weird preserved dead things, and irony. How do you know all these things?

It's because you are the lowest of the low on the echeladder of Sburb Highschool.

While you are the lowest on the ladder, Dave and the rest of his friends are the highest by, at least, 24 steps on the ladder. So, he was basically the top of the ladder. He would really be on the top if VRISKA SERKET and TEREZI PYROPE weren't the rulers of the school (but, you are pretty sure Dave is friends with them).

Since the school has stuck you on the Freaky Geeky part of the ladder, you can easily stalk your crush without anyone minding. Pros and cons, amiright? Anyways, you have a plan. You are going to talk to him during the halloween carnival being held at the school. Yup. It will be easy. Probably (not).

You look up at the clock hanging on the wall of your math class and nervously bounce your leg. It's about to be utter hell in a couple of seconds. You know it.

5..4...

You start gathering your stuff.

3...2...

You refuse to be the one who has to clean up.

1...

"Class dismissed." Mr. Kankri Vantas says calmly.

Everyone was moving around and gathering their stuff. Russling of papers and scraping of chairs. And...

You're the last one.

You sigh and start to gather your stuff into a pile. You lightly lick at your braces, a weird habit of yours, before you start picking up calculators.

"Here. Lemme help you with that."

You feel yourself pause. That wonderful texan accent that had ladies dropping in a second could only belong to one person. Dave Strider was speaking words to you. Actual words. Wait. You couldn't just stand there screaming inside your head. You had to speak!

"Um. Are those...Problem Sleuth shades?"

No. No. No. You idiot! Those words were not the words you were supposed to be speaking. Crap. Crap. Dave wasn't speaking. He wasn't speaking!

"Yeah. Problem Sleuth was shit back when I was a kid."

Dave knows about Problem Sleuth? You watched Problem Sleuth when you were a kid also! This is crazy. Absolutely crazy! "See ya." Dave says as he finishes putting up the rest of the calculators. You watch him as he goes before you start to do a little victory dance, ignoring Mr. Vantas's obvious eye roll and mumbles of the teenage youth.

You just spoke words to Dave Strider and he spoke words back to you. 

Tonight.

Tonight was going to be the best night of your life.

***

> John: Have the worst night ever.

Tonight is, in fact, the worst night of your life. Your sister from another mister, JADE HARLEY, is constantly telling you that just because your costume got shrunk in the washing machine and you have to wear your strange pajamas to the carnival doesn't mean it's going to be a bad night.

"Gamzee Makara wears his pajamas to school everyday. You are just wearing them tonight." Jade reassures you. You facepalm. "Jade, I am wearing the Heir of Breath pajamas from the God Tier section at our local K-Mart! I am trying to woo the ever myserious Dave Strider but I have already lost points because I look like an idiot." You say as fast as you can so your dad can't hopefully register it.

"Oh? You like someone, John?" Dad asked which made you wince. Crap. He knows! "I will have to meet this boy of yours. We shall talk and bond over someone cake made by the wonderful Betty Crocker." He laughs.

You feel as if you had a cringe o meter - it would be on ten.

***

> John: Arrive.

 You arrive at the carnival with Jade in her dog-witch costume and dash out of the car as soon as possible. You want to get away from your dad as soon as possible before your dad tries to embarass you. You moment you step up to the ticket booth, you recieve a jumpscare from the principal himself. 

You let out a not so manly scream which has the principal and Jade laughing. It seems they weren't the only ones who noticed because you can hear a certain group of people laughing at you. You feel the sudden urge to hurl yourself off a bridge. 

There, a few feet away from Principal Hussie, was the COOL KIDS.

The "Cool Kids" consisted of CRONUS AMPORA, ROXY LALONDE, DIRK STRIDER, VRISKA SERKET, TEREZI PYROPE, and, of course, DAVE STRIDER.

You immediately pull your hood over your head and wish to sink down further into it. Jade gives you a small pat on the back. "It's okay, John. Maybe if you take it as a joke, they can laugh with you instead of at you." Jade suggests. You give her the 'are you serious right now?' look before you shove your ticket into the principal's hand and proceed to speed walk away, hearing Jade's heels walking behind you.

After a while, you find yourself leaning against a random booth while angrily eating some fruit. You can't believe you just embarrased yourself in front of the people who matter. You set the fruit cup down before you groan and rub your face with your hands. Are you even going to survive the night?

"Hello, John and Jade. I can't help but notice that you, John, look like you are ready to get hit by a bus." A familiar voice says from behind you.

You turn around and see that it is none other than your cousin JAKE ENGLISH. "John is just mad that his plans to woo Dave Strider are failing." Jade says before you can answer. She always had a habit of doing that. "Strider, huh? Let me help you. I happen to know where the group of cool kids happen to be. I believe they are in the auditorium listening to a bunch of raps." Jake lightly taps his chin as if deep in thought.

"John! That's it! All you have to do is rap!" Jade begins to shake your shoulders, sparkles in her eyes. You shake your head. Is she crazy? "I don't know how to rap!" You say.

"Nonsense. Just poetry slam their asses. Poetry is basically rap. Just...slower." 

Jake simply nods his head in agreement.

"Okay..." You say warily "I'll do it." Jake gives you pistols and a wink which you take as his secret language for good luck. "You coming, Jake?" Jade asks as she looks back at him. "No. I can't, unfortunately. I cannot abandon my kissing booth. For, you see, I am trying to catch my very own Strider." Jake says.

You both nod and Jade begins to push you towards the outside entrance to the auditorium as you wave goodbye to him.

You both arrive at the auditorium and you can feel your heart speeding up. There, just across the room, was Dave Strider and the Cool Kids. You look towards Jade and watch as she sits down in one of the seats near the stage. Okay. You were doing this. You were going to rap for Dave Strider. No biggie. You just had to learn how to rap in...

You see Jade talking to the DJ who happens to be GAMZEE MAKARA before she points to you.

You just had to learn to rap in under 30 seconds. 

Gamzee holds out his hand towards you, inviting you up on the stage. You take a deep breath before you take Gamzee's hand and he roughly hauls you onto the stage and hands you a microphone. You walk to the center of the stage and flinch when the spotlight suddenly hits you in the face. 

Once your eyes adjust to the light, you can see Jade silently clapping for you. You look at Dave and the rest of his friends and see that they are all looking at you. Some are whispering and laughing but Dave is looking straight at you. 

You can't screw this up. You have to do this from the heart. And by heart, you mean try to remember a poem you wrote back in third grade language arts. "Uh, hi." You say into the microphone a wince when it makes that loud screech sound. "Um, uh, I'll be rapping now." You want to slap yourself in the face right now. That was the lamest intro. You are so obviously lame that even you would bully you.

You just give Gamzee a nod and close your eyes as the beat starts.

"This is Egbert. 

Down to zero.

But I can tell you now that I'm the real hero

Of the story now.

But when I'm right near you.

I can barely speak and oh if only you knew.

You can look at me for seven seconds and I'm already in heaven.

But you don't know.

You just don't know yet.

You make me want to yell and scream

Can you tell? Can you even see me?

So I may be a hero but my patience is down to zero.

And I'm falling down.

Down to the ground.

They say ignorance is bliss...

But can I really survive this...?"

The auditorium is silent and you close your eyes. You can't look. Ob you can't see the looks of people trying not to laugh. 

But then you hear a clap from right near you. You turn to your left snd see Gamzee clapping for you. Then it's Jade. Then it's everyone in the auditorium including the Cool Kids.

You rush off the stage and run into Jade's arms and give her a hug. "John, that was amazing. I was honestly just joking when I said go up there and just go make some poetry." Jade squeals as he holds you. You freeze. She was joking? You mean, you just went up on stage and basically rapped a old poem from your childhood. 

You find it very hard to hold back from strangling your sister from another mister. You really do. But, you can't have a criminal record. Well, not yet. You just have to wait to get out of college before you murder Jade. 

"Hey. I know that look. Don't think about murdering me just yet. Turn around." Jade says to you with a smug look on her face. Why does she look so smug? You do what she says and turn around and feel your heart stop. Dave Strider is coming this way. Towards you (and Jade but she doesn't matter at the moment). You turn back to her and find that she has absconded. She was a sneaky one.

"'Sup." Dave says which makes you nearly jump like a cat. Was he really this close to you? "U-Uh, hey!" You say as you play with the edge of your hoodie so you don't have to look at Dave directly in the face. You can already feel your face warming up. 

"That was a pretty rad thing you did up there. You did some poetry during a rapping competition. That's some pretty ironic shit." Dave holds out his hand to you and you hesitantly take it. "I'm Dave Strider." He says.

"John Egbert." You respond, ignoring your very obvious voice crack.

Dave nods before he turns his back to you and beacons you to follow him. You are quick to follow behind him. It takes you a minute to realize it but it seems he is taking you to his group of friends. Oh my Con Air. You were about to be introduced to them. You let out a few calming breaths as you near them. They were regular people, John. Why so nervous?

"Guys, this is Egderp. Egderp, these are the guys." 

You give a small wave at the others who seem to be silently judging you. You bite your lip and take the only free seat available which was between Roxy Lalonde and Cronus Ampora. You flinch when Cronus puts his arm around you in such a sickingly sly way that it makes you want to vomit. He also smells like cigarettes and desperation. 

"Hey. Cronus Ampora. Nice to meet ya, Egderp. That was some real sick poetry you did up there. Was it for me by any chance? Because I wouldn't mind returning the feelings." Cronus says to you with a smirk. You shake you head as politely as you can because you know this guy could probably beat you to a bloody pump without a problem.

"Geez, Cronus, are you serious right now? You sure are desperate." Roxy says from behind you as she puts protective hand on your messy black locks. Cronus pretends to be hurt as he gives a small pout and wipes a non existant tear from his eyes. "Don't mind him. He's a real creep. I'm Roxy." She says cheerfully. You can't help but give her a smile. She seems a like a alright girl. You have to admit that she is really pretty. Pretty like she belongs in a Nicholas Cage movie. 

You find that you and Roxy make a pretty funny duo. She is quite fun to talk to and you feel as if you could crack jokes and talk for hours. She even gives you her pesterchum handle. Score!

"Well," you hear Terezi say with a over exaggerated yawn, "this place is boring now." You hear muffled agreements before Vriska stands up and gives everyone smirks. "Well, I believe that Aranea is having a party at the house right now. She will totally let us go as long I don't tell our parents." Vriska says proudly.

Oh, good old blackmail. It seems like a thing a Serket is good at.

Everyone starts to get up except you and Dirk. "Nah. I'm gonna go flirt with the cutie working at the kissing booth." Dirk says as he stands up and stretches. Was he talking about his cousin? "If you want to get on Jake's good side, you just gotta talk about fisticuffs and movies. He likes them all." You say. 

You recieve a quiet stare from Dirk which makes you regret opening your mouth. "How do you know?" He asks. You give a nervous shrug. "He's my cousin." You respond. Dirk walks up to you before he gives a single pat on the head. "Thanks." He says before he walks off.

You find yourself blushing when Dave gives you a thumbs up.

***

> John: Blow this popsicle stand.

You feel guilty. A lot amounts of guilty. You had basically abandoned Jade just for some party. Your dad will kill you if he finds out. But, for some odd reason, you don't care. Because as you ride in the back seat of Cronus's car being squished to death, Dave Strider has his arm around you. You close your eyes and find yourself enjoying the feeling or it. 

Dave smells like apple juice. Interesting.

You are immediately snapped out of your enjoyment when the feeling of a slimey wet tongue swipe your cheek. You quickly wipe off the saliva and look at the culprit. Terezi gives you a innocent smile before she leans closer to you.

"Enjoying yourself?" She whispers a motions her head towards Dave before she wiggles her eyebrow at you. You blush and quickly avert your gaze.

"No need to be shy. You have a thing for Dave. So what? I think you're  a real crazy dude to do all this just for him." She whispers. You smile a bit. "Thanks." You say. Getting encouragement from Terezi Pyrope of all people is strange and weird but it's welcomed. If she can see even though she's blind, then you can woo Dave Strider. 

***

> John: Party hard.

You are all standing at the front door of big house that makes you wish you were a Serket. 

Your house is a small two story with two bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room. But, this place was just beautiful. As you continue to gape at the outside of the house, the front door opens to reveal a pretty girl with short black hair and stylish white glasses. She looks almost identical to Vriska.

"Get in here, losers." ARANEA SERKET, you assume, says with a scowl.

"Thanks you, sis." Vriska saunters inside while the rest of the crowd follows her. You stick close to Roxy to avoid Aranea's cold glare she is giving you. God, she was scary but not in a paranormal kind of way. More in the "she could murder every one of us and get away with it" scary.

You decided to scope out the party a bit as you follow the group you are currently with tonight. Roxy is holding your hand and leading you around like she's your mom which is fine with you. Roxy's skin is actually really soft.

You see one girl with long, thin braids twerking against Aranea with such passion that you wonder if they are dating or not. There is another couple of guys making out in the corner. One of them has a long black hair that is tied in a ponytail while the other has messy hair with red at it's tips. They seem to make a cute couple. You look around more and notice a japanese girl staring at the couple. She seems to notice you looking and makes a V shape with her fingers and wiggles her tongue in between.

You gulp and just focus on Roxy's back. 

You eventually find yourself in the kitchen and sit on one of the bar stools. "Here you go, Egderp." Vriska says and hands you a red cup. You look inside and notice it's just some red kool-Aid. You shrug. No one can go wrong with Kool-Aid.

You look up to see everyone else is drinking it and take a sip yourself.

And immediately spit it back in the cup.

Oh god. What was that? It tasted like sour candy without the candy. Vriska peered at you. "What's wrong? Never had Sopor Faygo before?" She asked. You blink. "Sopor Faygo?" What in the Ghost Rider was Sopor Faygo. "It's some good shit we got from Gamzee. That dude can party hard. Well, back in the day he did. Now he just hangs out with that freshman he has a crush on. Tavros Nitram, I think? What a bummer." Vriska pouts into her drink and twirls it a bit.

Vriska stands up and slams her drink down. "Hey, let's go crash my sisters party." She says and grabs your wrist. "I'm taking this one with me!" She announces and next thing you know you are back in the room where the music is blaring.

Vriska Serket is now grinding against you and your brain is short circuiting. "Come on, Egderp. But your back into it!" She says. You look back at the kitchen and see that everyone else is cheering you on but Dave just has a straight face.

The song suddenly changes to a song. A song you know well.

It was a remix of the Ghostbusters theme song!

"Vriska. Let me show you some real moves." You say with a bright smile.

You begin to do the dance routine that you and Jake had made up a while back after watching the a full on marathon of the Ghostbusters movies. You can feel Vriska looking at you like you're crazy but you are personally surprised when she joins in on it. "Egderp, you gotta add some smooth moves in there as well." She says cooly and then she is moving and shaking her hips. 

You shrug and start moving your hips to match Vriska's. After a while, you high five on a complete remastering of your orginial routine and start to preform the whole thing once more. 

Next thing you know Roxy and Cronus are near you while joining in on the routine. Terezi is near Vriska while doing it and Dave is right beside you. He's laughing and so are you. Now, other people are joining in and the girl with long braids has Aranea joining in too.

The song ends after a while and you recieve a bro hug from Dave before he ruffles your hair. "That was the most strangest thing I have ever done but I like it. Thanks for that." Dave thanks you before he is pulled away somewhere else by Terezi. You recieve more pats on the head from random strangers which makes you feel strangely giddy.

These are people who are waaaay older than you and they are ruffling your hair and calling you awesome. You even get a "Thank you, Doll." from thr guy you saw earlier making out with his boyfriend. Apparently he was trying to get his boyfriend to smile all night because the guy's horse recently died.

You eventually got a kiss on the cheek from the girl who gave you the rude symbol earlier. She said call her when you become a senior.

You would probably be all over this but you have a Dave to impress.

Vriska pulls on your arm and leads you to her backyard pool.

***

> John: Regret everything.

Vriska is taking off her pirate costume.

Why was she taking off her pirate costume?

You look around a bit and notice the pile of everyone's clothing and realize everyone has gone skinny dipping inside the pool. "Come on, Egderp! Don't be a chicken! Get in here!" Terezi calls out. How she could tell you weren't in the pool already, you will never know.

You get cheered on by Roxy and the others which eventually leads to to the cheer of "Strip, Egderp, Strip!" which makes you hide your bright red face behind your hands. You are also regretting not correcting people on your name. It was Egbert, no Egderp. But Dave gave you that nickname and you cherish it so you can't just throw it away.

"Okay. I'm doing it!" You annouce which recieves claps from the people you would like to call your friends.

You close your eyes and try to stop more blood to rush to your face. You turn around and face away from them before you start to take off your costume. It takes you a minute just to get off your shirt and shoes but all there is left is your pants. You close your eyes. You can do this. You CAN do this!

You yank off your pants and underwear in one go then jump inside the pool as quickly as you can.

"Yeah! Go Egderp!" Cronus yells.

You give everyone a awkward thumps before you swim off to be on your own to take a bit of a breather. You honestly can't believe this has happened. You just wanted to impress Dave and get him to know but now you have pretty much joined his entire group of friends. 

"RAWR!"

You scream when someone tackles you holds onto your neck tightly. "Come on, Egderp. We're playing catch the dragons and you are joining me on the dragon team. Now swim!" Terezi commands. You try to ignore the feeling on boobs against your back and swim away from the others chasing you.

Eventually, it's cool down time and you can feel your hair already matting up and you know it is going to hurt when you brush through it later on. You sigh and go towards the edge of the pool to get a break from everyone else. You close your eyes and think about checking the time but decided that you shouldn't. You are actually scared to because you just know it is way past the time when you were supposed to be reporting to the car. 

"Hey there, Egbert. Mind if I join you?"

You look over beside you and blush when you notice Dave is beside you. You look away for a second and try not to think about the fact that Dave Strider is absolutely naked and is talking to you right now. Oh who are you kidding? Dave Strider was naked and talking to you right now!

Okay. Okay. You just had to speak to him.

"I don't mind. N-Not at all!" You say before you start to lick at your braces. You look past Dave for a second and see Roxy and Vriska messing with your costume but you ignore it for now and turn your attention back to Dave.

Your breath catches when you see that Dave has taken his shades off and his red eyes are looking straight into your blue ones. "I think you're pretty cool, Egbert. Like. Really cool. I honestly wanted to thank you for tonight because I thought this was going to be lame but, then, here comes this boy wearing the Heir of Breath pajamas from the God Tier section at K-Mart and just makes this night so much better. I'm-" Dave takes a deep breath and puts on his shades once more.

"I'm glad I got to know you, John." 

This is it. This is the moment you've been waiting for. You can tell Dave how you feel about him right now.

You can feel Terezi's eyes boring into you so you awkwardly turn your head towards her. Everyone over there is giving you a thumbs up. Why? You honestly don't know. 

Suddenly, there is slow music playing in the background and you realize that one of them was setting this up for the perfect moment. It also seemed like Terezi told them your little secret but they seem to approve of it.

"Wanna dance?" Dave asks.

You look back at him and your mouth gapes. He was asking you to dance. In a pool. While you both were unclothed. Whatever. You can take what you can get.

You scoot a bit closer to Dave and nod. You seem his lips quirk up for a second before his pale hand touches your brown one. Now, you, John Egbert, are pressed against Dave's bare chest while you two are rocking back and forth. You bury your head and blush into Dave's shoulder when you hear Roxy and Cronus cheering you on in the background.

You had to do this. It was now or never.

"Dave, can I tell you something?" You ask, swallowing the lump in your throat. "Sure." Dave responds. "Um. I'm not as cool as you think I am. I honestly just went up that stage and recited a poem I made when I was little. I'm honestly just a huge geek. I did this just to impress you because, well-" You take a breath "I think you're neat. I actually have a big crush on you. I have had one on you since the beginning of this school year." You confess.

Dave's hand tightens on yours and the next thing you know his lips are on yours. He's kissing you. He is kissing you!

He pulls away and gives you a smile.

"I don't care if you're a geek, man. You are pretty cute and I wouldn't mind learning more about you through some dates." 

At this point, your brain short circuits and it takes all of your willpower not to black out. He actually wants to date you. He really, really wants to date you! Dave Strider wants to date, you, John Egbert.

It seems you are Davesexual now. 

And you are proud.

***

> John: Wake up.

You wake up in someone elses bed with Dave right beside you. You remember what had happened the previous night and smile. Dave is dating you right now. If this relationship lasts, you will be John Strider-Egbert someday. You turn over into your pillow and let out some (not so manly) giggles into it. 

Wait a minute. Stop the clock. Rewind.

PREVIOUS NIGHT?!

You spent the night at Vriska's house! Oh god! Your dad was going to kill you! You scramble out of bed and look down and realize you are wearing the shirt to Dave's costume. It was just a simple plain red shirt with a record on it. When did you even put this on? No matter. School didn't start for another two hours so you had time to jet home. 

You gently shake Dave awake.

"Dave. Dave, wake up. I gotta get home before my dad kills me." 

It takes a while but Dave gets up and out of bed. You avert your eyes when you realize he only has his boxers on. "Okay. Let's wake up everyone in the most annoying way as possible." Dave replies, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

You smirk. You know just the way to it.

You and Dave proceed to walk down the hall to each door, enter the room, and slap the unsuspecting victim in the face. After a while, everyone joins you downstairs. Aranea is cooking breakfast along with that long haired pigtailed girl. 

"Eat up, you freeloaders." Aranea says nonchalantly. Black haired girl pulls Aranea close and gives her a peck on the cheek. It seemed your guess was right from the other night. "Meenah!" She complains and lightly pushes her away. "Water you complaining about. You little fishes better enjoy my gilfronds food or I might just bite 'cha!" The girl, MEENAH, threatens. You sit down and just take a simple piece of toast to nibble on.

"Yo, Aranea!" Dave calls "John needs to get home ASAP." 

Aranea looks at you and nods. "Alright. We can take my car." Aranea shrugs. You smile and bow your head, giving her a thank you. She shakes her head and gives you a no problem. She claims this is her payment to you for making her party more hype than it needed to be.

She then points you to her washing room where your dried costume is.

After a wonderful breakfast and changing into your costume from the night before, you all pile into Aranea's truck after you give her the address. Her and Meenah on the inside, you and the Cool Kids on the outside. You talk with them for a while when the truck eventually pulls into the neighborhood. You look at everyone and give them a smile and they give you a thumbs up. 

All you had to do was sneak into the house. No issue.

When you arrive at the house, you recieve some waves from Meenah and Aranea, a lick on the cheek from Terezi, and kiss on the cheek from everyone else (including Cronus which happened to be a really wet one). But, the one that counted was Dave's kiss which happened to be lip to lip contact. 

You hop out of the back of the truck and wave goodbye as Aranea drives off with the rest of your crew. You still hear their distant "goodbyes" as you walk towards the door and open it with your key.

You honestly hope everyone is still asleep.

You sneak into the kitchen for a small packet of Frosted Flakes when you notice a note on the refridgerator. You walk up to it and wince when you notice the handwriting. It's your dad's.

Johnathan,

Meet me in my office. You are in big trouble.

\- Your Dad

You put down the cereal and slowly walk upstairs towards your dad's office when someone suddenly tackles you to the ground. "John!" Jade says happily. "You had me so worried!"

"I'm sorry." You apologize. You feel guilty for making your dad and Jade worry but, hey, atleast it came to a good result. You have popular friends and you have your dream boyfriend. What more could you ask for? "John. You better help me up that echeladder at school now that you are hanging with the popular kids." Jade says with a smirk.

You shush her. "Jade. I am not a 'popular kid'. I'm still John Egbert." You tell her. "Well, you're about to be Deadbert when dad gets a hold of you." Jade smirks. You facepalm because you know you are dead but it's so nice of her to remind you even more.

You turn on your heels and walk towards your dad's office. Once you reach it, you knock.

"Come in."

You push open the door and sit down in the chair that was in front of your dad's desk. It was silent. He was simply sitting there, doing his paperwork with that same old pipe in his mouth. You can feel your heart beating quite fast. Oh, you are dead. You are about to get murdered.

"Johnathan Crocker Egbert. Can you explain these to me?" Your dad says calmly. He slides his iPad up to you and starts wiping through some pictures from the party. You sigh when you see that, in all the pictures, you are the center of attention. You wince inside yourself when you see the video of you and everyone else doing the seductive part of the dance you and Vriska made.

You wallow in pity when you see the pictures of you and everyone else at the pool. Roxy just so happens to be on your back with her boobs out in the open for all to see.

"Listen Dad-" you start but you are cut off when your dad interrupts you. "That's not all. See, if I zoom in on the picture, I can see alcohol on the side of the pool." He says, and even zooms in on the beer cans.

"Dad-" You start but are interrupted again.

"Johnathan, do you have any idea how disappointed I am in you? You leave your sister behind, go to some stranger's house, and even skinny dip in their pool with some blonde girl!" His voice became quite loud at the end and it makes your stomach sink. Your dad never raised his voice. He was never even mad at you. When you rejected the Betty Crocker or destroyed the house, he would leave a note saying he was proud of you for some odd reason.

This. Having him yell at you now. It was scary.

"Dad, can I explain myself?" You finally get out. He gets up from his desk, walks in front of it, and leans against it. "Go ahead." He says. You take a deep breath. "Dad. I didn't drink or anything. I just went because I wanted to impress this guy I like and, well, it worked at least." You say. He is giving you a cold stare which makes you bow your head a bit. 

"John. All for some boy? Why couldn't you just stay at the carnival? You could have at least called me or Jade." He says. You stand up. "I know, dad! I should have. But I'm a teenager now. I'm not 13 years old anymore! Why can't you just trust me?" You say.

"You're still too young to be going off on your own."

"I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"Why can't you just TRUST ME?!"

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO END UP LIKE YOUR MOTHER!"

You pause. Your dad hasn't mention your mom in years. MOM died while she went out to buy some cake from the store for a surprise. She didn't tell anyone where she went and she ended up getting hit by a bus and died, luckily, a quick death. This is where your hatred for Betty Crocker began, really. Because you know that was the exact cake mix the police station gave you because it was in her belongings. 

You look at your dad in shock and even he looks shocked himself. You nervously reach towards him but you just hug him and he hugs you back. "Dad. I'm not mom. I can handle myself. I'm sorry for not calling you." You apologize. You love your dad but you want to prove to him that you are your own person. "I know that. I love you." Dad says and you reply with a heartfelt 'I love you too'.

He pulls away and gives you a smile.

"You're grounded for a month. No movies and no going outside unless you are going to school." 

You wince but smile anyways. At least you are allowed on pesterchum and you can easily get everyone's pesterchum at school. You give your dad another hug before you walk towards the door. "I also expect you meet this boy along with his friends and parents!" Dad yells out to you. You nod but you can't hear him because you are to busy smiling.

At least the punishment wasn't so bad.

***

> John: Be grounded.

You look out of your window, bored. It is the weekend and you are stuck in your house with nothing to do. You soon start to realize that this punishment is not as good as you thought it was. Jade looks over at your from her side of the room and gives you a shrug. 

You snap up when your pesterchum alerts you of a message. You open it up and smile when you see that it's Dave.

TG: juliet

TG: come down your window because we are waiting for you

EB: really?

EB: okay

EB: shut up :B

You look out your window and giggle when you see everyone else out there. You even see Dirk and Jake cuddled up together on the back of Aranea's truck. You look at Jade and give her a pleading look. She goes towards the window to take a peak and waves at Jake before she turns to you.

"Alright. Have fun with your boyfriend and his pack." She says she she scoots you towards the window. You take your blankets off your bed and tie them. You give one edge to Jade so you can use it like a rope. You give her a quick hug before you hold onto the rope on the way down while she lowers it. 

You reach the ground quickly enough and you run into Dave's arms, allowing him to spin you around. "Cut the romance you two! We already have one lovey dovey couple here, we don't need another!" Cronus yells. You and Dave share a look before you both run towards the truck and hop on the back.

"Yo. Egderp. Thanks for helping me hook up with you cousin." Dirk says, his arm around Jake protectively. Jake cuddles close to him and smiles. "Yes. Thank you, John." Jake says. You give them a nod and tell them it is no problem.

You look at Dave and he looks at you. He gently holds your hand in his before he gives you a kiss on the cheek. "Where are we going?" You ask him and he just smiles. "Just consider this place are first date, John." He says.

You close your eyes and don't question it.

> John: Enjoy date with boyfriend.


End file.
